Hope all of you had an awesome Easter break! Unfortunately I've seen better Easters. Which leads me to ponder whether or not I'm a mistake because I certainly feel like one right now. I wonder why? Could it be that my mother and I are at it again. Who does she think she is? She comes to pick me up on Weds and immediately she starts to make snide comments about me, my friends, my sorority, my fiancee, basically my life. She thinks that Josh is way too controlling which is not true. Because if anyone really knows about our relationship, it is quite obvious who wears the pants in the relationship and it's not him. Although, we share control most of the time. Josh and my mother have an extreme hatred for each other and even saying this is an understatment. We will leave it at that. She states that I have no friends because no one was around for me to say "good-bye" too and that I don't keep in touch with friends from high school. For her information, I do talk to friends from high school. But of course she doesn't know or realize that. She downgraded my sorority and called them a bunch of losers which most of you know is not true. I love my sisters and consider them to be among my closest friends. But her favorite hobby is to downgrade me in any way that she can. As you can see when she attacks everything near to me.
Her favorite subjects of ridicule is my weight and my personality. Apparently I'm very fat and that she can't believe that I let myself go like I did. I used to be very thin in high school and then I gained weight in college. She is constantly badgering about loosing weight. She at one point say that she would mind if I stopped eating entirely just so that I would loose weight. It's not about being healthy but being thin. I said that if I loose too much weight I might have trouble having children and that I could potentially die. Doesn't she care? She said that she had an insurance policy on me so that if I die she gets money back. So according to her "either way I win" because she either gets a thin child and possiblely grandchildren or she would get money. She would always touch, pat, or play with my little pooch. I'm so sick of it. She likes to critize my personality. I'm a flake and a loser. I have no motivation or drive but I become obsessive about certain things. I'm not going to make it in life. Nobody wants me. She keeps repeating this over and over. I really don't matter to her. Afterall I'm a mistake to her and nothing more. Am I really that worthless? Do I really mean that little?
- Music:"Hurt" by Johnny Cash